Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Who's Watching Who....and Why?

A while back I installed Extreme Tracker on my blog, and now that I think about it, it was at Angelo's recommendation. At the time I thought it was cool, it gave me all this information on who was reading my blog. It would tell me the time they read it, the city, state and country they lived in, and in many cases it would even tell me the business, company or government office they worked for. So it was interesting to see where all the people were coming from who were reading my blog, I have readers all over the place from more countries than I count.

But lately there seems to be a disturbing trend, I am getting more and more readers from the Washington DC area, and when I look at their stats on Extreme Tracker, they have been from the Department of the Interior, the State Department, the U.S. Department of Labor as well as several other corporation names that I have to wonder what they "really"are.

If you've been reading my blog for any length of time at all, you realize that I have a rather twisted sense of humor, and that I tend to find humor in almost everything. Now when I think of government types, I don't usually picture them as having a very good sense of humor. I realize that is a broad characterization and that I'm stereotyping, but that just seems to be my experience. I don't think hardly any of our local politicians have ever appreciated my sense of humor or sarcasm. So I find it hard to believe that they are just reading it for a few laughs every day. And plus, are they really supposed to be reading such things purely for entertainment purposes at work? Well I suppose it's possible, but I'm just not buying it. And it seems to be like a cancer, it's spreading. First it was just the Department of the Interior, and I just chalked that up to the fact that I mentioned Secretary Dirk Kempthorne in one of my posts. Just because I mentioned my sons ferrets in the same post was a coincidence, and I wasn't making any political statements at all. He seemed interested in Saipan, so I figured one of his staffers was just keeping an eye on me.

But then the next thing I know, the State Department is reading it. Now really, I don't know anything about the State Department, unless the Secretary of State is from that department, and then I know that Condoleeza Rice is one classy lady who reportedly has great legs. But that's really all I know about the State Department. And to my knowledge I've never offended them or made fun of them, intentionally or otherwise.

Then the Department of Labor? Hey, it's not my fault, I didn't want to let half of my staff go a couple weeks ago, our economy is just really that bad. Come on guys, now this is one department that I know has no sense of humor, so really, what are you doing reading my blog? Do I need to put a warning and disclaimer on every blog entry now, if you don't have a sense of humor stop here for your own safety?

As my paranoid brain was turning all of this over, all the sudden I remembered that a certain former governor of ours, who really, really, really hates me, used to spend an awful lot of time in Washington. Has he been filling your ears full of garbage about me? Well, if that's the case, all I have to say is would you really believe someone who kept telling us that our economy was "pretty darn good"? Uh huh, I didn't think so.

Which brings me to the only logical conclusion I can come to. A certain environmentalist who wants to win this Best Saipan Blog contest really, really, really, really bad, has come up with an even more devious scheme than I thought him capable of. He has been turning me in to all the various government offices he can think of that I may have offended, telling them I should be on all of their "Wanted - Dead or Alive (but preferably dead)" posters. He's hoping I'll be busted before the contest is over, so I won't be able to write anymore funny blogs and he'll have a chance. It wasn't enough for him to put spam messages on all his "official" correspondence lately, telling people to vote for his blog, and whatever they do, don't vote for mine.

Now you may be wondering why there was a picture of a Budweiser can in the Grotto at the beginning of this blog. Well Angelo has been trying to convince everyone how good he is for the environment, planting trees, picking up garbage, yadda yadda yadda. The truth of the matter is he smokes grass. If you don't believe me you really need to follow that link and see what he did to a big patch of it the other day. I've got to believe that as his tires were tearing up that grass, there was some smoke coming from it, well it's a definitely possibility. What does one thing have to do with the other, I don't know, I was just hoping it might make sense to somebody. But the point here is that I always pick up all the garbage I find in the Grotto everytime I dive there, after taking a picture of it that is. So I don't think it's much of a stretch to say that there wouldn't even be a Grotto we could still dive in if it weren't for me, we'd just have a great big hole in the ground filled with Budweiser cans. So you see Department of the Interior, I'm really very environmentally friendly, unlike a certain grass killer. And State Department, I really like Condoleeza Rice, if that is her department that is. And Labor Department, I've been working 12 hours days lately, you've got to love a guy who puts in so much labor, right?

Ok, now that we've got all that cleared up, I don't expect to be seeing so many hits from your departments in the future. But if you do keep coming back, I definitely expect you to go to every computer in those mammoth offices of yours and vote for Harry's World!